Sunday Announcement

Dear Beloved Readers,

Hello.  My name is Cooper and I am the dog that so often models for this site.  I cannot tell you how many times I may be minding my own business, sniffing my male parts or foraging for petrified pieces of whole wheat pasta that may be trapped under that gold mine space between the kitchen floor and the bottom of the stove and Cupcake will descend upon me with her camera taking photographs of my nostrils until I demand a pay raise.  Never happens.

Anyway, the photograph above was taken when Cupcake told me that the fresh, sparkly, nine million times better version of this blog has been created and if I wanted to see it I should rocket my paws over to:

www.OddGoodTrue.com

to check out all the vast newness there, so that's where I'm headed, toot suite.

Oh, how I hope that you'll come with me.  It'll be ever so much fun!

See You Soon,
Reverend Cooper C. Murphy
Author
Barking the Divine

Things I Don't Understand, Items 404 thru 406

404. How they get Sauvignon Blanc to taste like buffalo armpits
405. Why the Mayan calendar didn't mention any prophecies about 2011 being The Year That Would Produce the Most Photographs of Brutal Dictators Having the Worst Hair Days of Their Lives
406. Jazz that becomes upsetting

Cooper Being Woody Allen in Zelig

Here he miraculously transforms his entire body into hardwood floor panelling as everyone within eye shot gasps in wonder.

Of his astounding ability to turn into whatever or whoever he was near, including the entire Mormon Tabernacle choir, a horse fly and lime jello, he once said "No big whoop."

Monday Judgements and Warnings

YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CANNOT HIDE FROM A HUSBAND AND HIS PILES OF WIRES.

Screw your jumbled up and tangled mayhem,
Odelette Orderly
President
Where Have All the Bare Surfaces Gone?, Inc.

Sunday Prayer

Dear Santa,

I know you are not the one in charge of things, even though you have the largest black shiny belt on earth and your bushy eyebrows --- the way you allow them to run amok --- are a testament to the beauty of being comfortable in your own skin, but could you throw a little Ease and Fluidity and Unshakable Confidence in my stocking this Christmas so that I may move forward into this next year with a certain unstoppable momentum that buoys me instead of overwhelms me and while you're at it can you take my tired longing for all that does not reflect my own goodness and can you replace that longing with a wise and constant voice that is louder and clearer than all the darkness that is so easy to cover myself over with.

Over and out,
Tina Tinselheart

Saturday SlobberLove

Sometimes on Saturday, when the lunatics we live with are busy making a racket downstairs, assigning food that hasn't even been prepared yet to dishes and platters and bowls, we like to take a little breather and tip toe up to the quietest part of the house and listen for the sound of overweight man feet and reindeer hooves walking on the roof and if we are able to achieve total silence we swear we can smell the aroma of Pupperonis soaring across the late afternoon sky and straight into our eager nostrils.

Go, Santa, Go,
Baby Jesus of the Badbreathlehem

Things I Don't Understand, Items 401 thru 403

401. The color of Newt Gingrich's wife's hair
402. How mutinous pajama bottoms can be
403. Why someone doesn't shoot a torpedo straight into the faces of newscasters who psychotically harp on the whole Zany Christmas Shoppers Who Wait Until the Last Minute! story angle

Cooper Being Keanu Reeves in Point Break

"Am I as handsome as I think I am?" he asks a nearby production assistant.

Tuesday Expert Advice

Dear Cupcake,

I've been using Facebook for about a year and I've noticed that there are some buttons missing.  I get the Like and Share buttons.  I use those a lot---just to give a shout out to my FB homies if you know what I mean.  But I was wondering if you knew where the following buttons are because I cannot find them:

*You and your partner are late stage alcoholics and should go to the emergency room
*Unjustifiably Conceited
*Do you think you'll ever stop?
*I doubt your story
*It seems like you practice your smile in the mirror
*Thank you for showing me how petty and judgmental I am
*Loathe
*Too much nose hair
*Cornball, About To Unfriend

Do I need to download a specific app in order to get these to work or should I just get goin' on my feedback in the comment section?
---Eagerly Waiting To Offer Input In Ypsilanti

Dear Input,
No.
Good luck,
Cupcake

Monday Judgements and Warnings

I know it Tis the Season of Love and Joy and Reynolds Wrap and Orange Zest and Glenfiddich and all that but just so you know Tis also the Season of Receiving You-Dead-Lil-Missy Looks Just Because You Don't Have a PhD In Tim Tebow.

If you need me I'll be hiding in my stocking,
Dumbshit, The Unknowingest Elf