I have been working up a sweat in the laboratory and am, at last, ready to release my findings regarding THE DANGER OF SCARVES:
1. You're walking, you're walking, you're walking. You're thinking I love this day how it is so fresh and clear and shiny and I know I am finally going to organize my linens like a true adult and you look down at your wonderful rescue pet who has become a companion in a way that you and your husband could have never imagined and you notice that your pup is doing his business and you think look at you the way you can poop in the open and I can't even take a doodie in a public restroom and you lean down with your handy plastic bag briefly wondering if there is redemption for the hated plastic bag what with all the dog poop around and as you swoop in to scoop up the poo-poo you remember YOUR SCARF and decide to leave the dog feces there and this only adds to your fear that you will not be liked.
2. One word: Barbecue
3. During perimenopause scarves masquerade as lovely comfy snuggle tools however their true identities are nightmarish heat shackles set on periodically raising your body temperature to Lava Time.
Be brave and be wary,
Professor Penelope P. Neck
5 comments:
Wearing the poop scarf really does suck.
I do not feel the fiery heat of that fun time in a woman's life...yet. And for me, since I live in the country and the dog poops are left unfettered until one of the children totally messes up and has the dreaded pick up poo punishment, scarves are my plastic surgery. They serve as not only a lovely fashion statement, but at the same time, they cover up my neck, the neck which if it could talk would say, "Gobble. Gobble."
And by the way, last week I became an adult. I officially cleaned out and organized my linen closet. Now, if I could just act like one. Or maybe not.
What are linens and what is this closet you are ll talking about?
The poop scarf exists because we have created it.
I have quite the collection of winter scarves. Sometimes I start ripping them off like I'm Charlize Theron in that J'Adore perfume commercial.
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