If I could I would assure you that everything is going to be okay and I'd take your hand and we'd stroll along the boulevard and gab about how no matter how cute you think your outfit is on a certain day that ten years later if you saw that outfit you'd think you looked like Kelly McGillis from Top Gun and want to shoot yourself and we'd laugh and smile and have a good ol' time...
HOWEVER
There is this situation with this penny pinching semi-homemade whorelita Sandra Lee who changes her kitchen curtains every day and I must tell you: IT DOES NOT LOOK GOOD, PEOPLE. In fact, it looks VERY VERY BAD.
You could tell yourself that things will be doable. That WE CAN DO IT. That we'll get through this together but then you'd only be fooling yourself---LIKE 99 CENT STORE FOOLING YOURSELF--- because when you turn on the TV and you see this lady with the can opener talkin' 'bout Tablescapes and her new "Put a Stick In It Mocktail" you'd realize we're all hosed.
Puree This,
Beulah B. Otch
9 comments:
May I propose Proposition 20 banning Sandra Lee forever?
Dude. She crazy.
She's stupid. Tablescapes?
Whatev.
What sends it over the top is the chandeliers and curtains that match her outfit. She is certifiable.
She's yukky.
But she has booze in every segment. If you can tolerate high fructose corn syrup.
She's dating Andrew Cuomo. I wonder what he thinks of her Mocktails.
You know, every time I see that woman and her awful set, I just think, WTF? Who is styling her and her bad stuff. It is never good. Never. She is like the Tammy Faye Baker of the Betty Crocker world.
Any woman whose clothing matches her kitchen is just. not. normal. Let's face it: she's s-c-a-r-y. And that realization is probably what drives me, er, HER to drink with every meal she prepares.
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