I have been furiously at work in my laboratory and have surfaced briefly to provide my latest notes and findings on my ground breaking, revolutionary and relatively unsettling Cracker Research 2010:
1. WASA "bread" moniker seems to be cause of systemic identity confusion
2. Ak-Maks continue to exhibit sociopath behavior---too much like cardboard?
3. Wheat Thins: only solution---complete and total isolation (they DO NOT see themselves as crackers) **ELITISTS (make sure to address the constant requests for extra towels and special water)
4. RyCrisp mass depression appears to coincide with CheezIts proliferation
5. Search and rescue: Goldfish (an entire generation---under car seats)
Over and out,