Blog has moved, searching new blog...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Gratitude and Thanks, Various

If Cooper could talk he'd for sure thank us for letting him lick his butt so close to our faces when we're snuggling in bed.

If Christina Aguillera could talk she'd say thanks for not noticing that her lipstick is the color of your worst nightmare.

If the person who designed the parking lot at Trader Joe's could talk he'd say thanks for not coming to his house and stuffing him into his dishwasher.

If that lady next to me in line at Ross could talk she'd say thank you for not pointing out to everyone else in line that she farted regardless of the fact that it was obvious only to me that it was her but to others, not so much.

If that morbidly obese guy that sits on the bus stop all day every day at the corner could talk he'd say thanks to me and Cooper and Eric for not running, screaming in terror because we (okay, I) think he's a serial killer but instead letting Cooper be all puppy lovey and jump on him, therefore making him smile (and take his mind off wanting to murder us.)

If my husband could talk he'd say thanks for letting him be the one who gets to check that the front door is, indeed, locked when I don't think it is as we're just about to fall asleep.

If poodles could talk they'd say (obviously) thank you for NOTHING. You are all unworthy and we spit on your feet.

If the guys at the car wash could talk they'd say thanks for letting us smear AmourAll over the dirt and sand and dust in your car so that now it's filth but with an oily sheen.

If the Channel 4 weather lady's gigantic boobs could talk they'd say thanks for allowing us into your home every morning even though there is not enough space for us.

Until next time,
Mother Gratitude

No comments: