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Monday, June 28, 2010

Monday Judgements and Warnings

Just suppose you're conversing with a person who seems to be hell bent on confusing you like how those awful scary "researchers" tried to confuse Genevieve Bujold in Coma.


Perhaps you find yourself interacting with someone who is talking down to you as if you were a paralyzed marionette and they were your Gepetto when Gepetto is on an angry violent bender.


Now! You might think that the best thing to do in either of these situations is to feign a grand mal seizure or to run away SWIFTLY while pretending to talk on your cell phone in a way that telegraphs I AM DEALING WITH AN EMERGENCY! but you would be wrong because what if you do not have your cell phone?

Luckily I am one of several thousand scientists who've been working on this area of human experience and the early conclusive results reveal that the best way to react to a Psychic Mugging is to remain stock still, gird your loins (in whatever way feels best for you), look your Mugger in the eye and say (in your BEST Gary Coleman voice):


An option is to follow this up with a hoity toity head shake back and forth but this may not be needed.

Best Wishes For Your Continued Success,
Beula Bargeface


The Zadge said...

Oh, a good Hoity-Toity Headshake can get you out of almost anything.

P.S. People just don't use "gird your loins" enough these days.

linlah said...

I want to be a scientist one day so I can noodle this kind of thing through and then test people.

Joann Mannix said...

I am a big believer in using the phrase, "Whatchoo talkin' bout' Willis" in any situation where I am unsure of myself. It works 99.8% of the time. It didn't work too well in the confessional last week, but other than that...

Meg at the Members Lounge said...

I clutched my abdomen and said "colitis attack"! Then ran.