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Saturday, January 31, 2009

January Inventions

Invention #1: Some type of invisible (sharp?) wall to stop the people at Trader Joe's from putting their cart in line like dishonest squatters and then meandering off 90 times to finish their shopping right before your very eyes so that you want to yell "YOU FORGOT YOUR TOFU TOILET PAPER!" This wall should be spiky and surprising and made of some kind of material that teaches right from wrong or how to not be rat face chihuahua annoying.

Invention #2: Some type of sign, placard or billboard to alert the people who win Academy Awards to REMEMBER: YOU ARE NOT WINNING AN AWARD FOR CURING CANCER, SOLVING GLOBAL WARMING OR INVENTING THE SWIFFER. This sign should either be flashing or have hundreds of little mirrors on it in the shape of Heal The Bay stickers so it looks like something sheik and hip they're supposed to care about.

Over and Out,
Patrolman Snark

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