In case you aren't aware, at this moment on Larry King, the ENTIRE HOUR is being dedicated to OPRAH'S BIG FAT ASS. You might think I'm making it up but I'm not. I am as serious as a bag of $19.99 Organic Blue Corn Chips from Whole Foods. Which, apparently, Oprah can't get enough of.
There are three men on the show and they all have really different hair and they are all talking about Oprah's humongousness with severe expressions as if they were talking about the fact that they've all just learned that Larry's shoulders are attached to his arms BY his suspenders. Larry, obviously, is adorned in his usual snazzy attire, dripping in several shades of purple from head to toe. (when I say head to toe I mean head to waist actually because that's all you ever see of him.)I'm not sure what Larry makes of all this but he's hunched over in the way he usually is, driving the show forward, like a big ice cream truck.
Anyway, they're showing clips of her from a million years ago when she weighed like 40 pounds that one time and she brought a wagon of lard on her show to demonstrate how much fat she lost. It's all very dramatic and if you didn't know what the topic was you might think these Gravely Serious Men Talking About Oprah's Big Butt are talking about the recent downfall of the economy or the dangerous state of the world's ecosystems but soon you'd realize that they're actually talking about Oprah and her desire to consume large amounts of cream puffs and buffalo wings.
I've never seen anything like it. Except for everything.
Until Next Time,
Circus In My Head