If you've never seen the movie Jerimiah Johnson with Robert Redford and you don't have time to, here are some things you can do instead and it will be like you have actually experienced the movie:
1. Sit in a room and stare at your area rug. Don't move for quite some time. Even when your shins go numb. Don't move.
2. Hum a little. Hum some more. Hum as if you were overdosing on a deadly concoction of NyQuil and Tylenol Cold medication. Hum like you forgot how to hum or like if someone told you to hum in a way that would make people go berserk. (this mimics the soundtrack in an UNCANNY way.)
3. Walk to your nearest fur shop on Rodeo Drive and find a bunch of really big gigantic furry fur coats that are really furry. Stare at them. Find a pair of skinny Lee jeans and picture them in an outfit with the fur coats.
4. Mumble a lot. Mumble some more under your breath. Take AT LEAST an hour and a half to reply to anyone who speaks to you. And when you do reply MAKE SURE YOU MUMBLE YOUR RESPONSE.
5. Tromp around in the snow in exotic Ugg boots that Mariah Carey or The Rock would wear and then go build a fire under your bathroom sink or on your neighborhood corner. Look very forlorn yet eerily unnerved.
Bonnie Jo Crab Apple III