If you happen to be unfortunate enough to cross the path of some know-it-all acquaintance who goes to the mat with you on the gas inducing quality of cucumbers and they maniacally cite that older than the hills You-Burn-More-Calories-Chewing-Them argument like some crazed gastrointestinal trivia obsessed hyena just keep your cool, take a sip of your lemon water and state very calmly but with confidence:
NO. THAT'S CELERY. NOW, I'M SORRY BUT I REALLY MUST BE GOING.
You've got to draw the line somewhere,
Vera of The Vigilant