It's hard to know how or why or when (exactly) it happens, really, but there are moments in life that telegraph to me from some other point in time that --- it will all be okay.
Regardless of previous hardships and heartaches and unrelenting doubt.
Regardless of her and him and that and it.
Regardless---there are times when I feel empty and whole at the same time. Like maybe the sky seems especially blue and I remember that there have been so many times that I am not as hopeless as I may think.
It is these moments that I live for and that I wish I could run toward and JUMP ON with knees around and arms around---tackling to the ground. PLEASE MAKE ME KNOW THAT I WILL BE OKAY AND I WILL MAKE IT DOWN THIS CONFUSING, FULL PATH---UNSCATHED is what I want to say.
But the adventure is that I get these Calm Knowing Moments once every five hundred years approximately and so I am forever poised, in the midst of my working on my worry mind like a scholar, like Goodbye Mr. Chips, waiting and hoping and excited for those moments when I greet Absolute and Unencumbered Cozy and I know that the entire winding weird scary road trip is invariably worth it regardless of the fact that I need to avoid MSG even though it brings me so much Happy.
Oh go on with your bad self,
Duchess of Schmaltz
5 comments:
Well said, Schmaltzy!
YES! And then, along with MSG, there is Estrogen, Cortisol, and the general ups and downs of living in a body all influencing the adventure. You said it all so well!
Did you just describe menopause? Brilliant!
Menopause with a side of generalized anxiety and a pinch of lowish self-esteem.
Yes. Every thing and nothing all at once, this is who we are floating in space. Life is but a dream.
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