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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Things I Don't Understand, Items 321 thru 323

321. Ventriloquists
322. Big flowy teal and purple velvet skirts paired with cowboy boots
323. When you call a customer service center and you're done with the call and the customer service rep says, "Thank you for your 87 years of membership Mrs. Customer, is there anything else I can help you with today?" and you say, "No, that's about it, thanks." and the rep says, "Well it has been a pleasure serving you, and may I just say that it has been our honor to be of service to you over the last several World Wars, so is that it?  Is there anything else?" and you say, "No. Nothing else." and they say, "Well thank you, thank you, thank you dear lady, as I bid you adieu this evening may I be so bold as to ask if there is any other item in your larder that I might take inventory on, perhaps?" and you say, "No. I just killed myself." and they say, "Alright then! Thank you so much.  Is there anything else I can help you with?  I mean can I help you further in any other manner or is this the end for the two of us?" and you say "Yes because I'm dead so will you leave me alone now and just hang up the fucking phone?" and they say "ABSOLUTELY I will hang up the phone as long as there is not ONE OTHER thing I can assist with." And then you hang up and go eat Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Cups.


Meg at the Members Lounge said...

#323. Which is why it's SOOO much better to do the transaction without possibility of human contact.

Kelly said...

Did someone say, "Trader Joe's Peanut Butter Cups?"

Uh, I gotta go!