Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday Judgements and Warnings
ALL POINTS BULLETIN:
BE ON THE LOOKOUT for a 1980 copper LeSabre driving approximately 12 miles an hour with the license plate: IMUNEEK.
THIS VEHICLE IS RAGE INCITING AND DANGEROUS AND CONTAINS A POODLE SITTING IN THE FRONT SEAT THAT RESEMBLES SUSAN ANTON WHO WE BELIEVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR SEVERAL DOZEN CRIMES IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE.
DO NOT--- REPEAT--- DO NOT, under any circumstances attempt to approach, interact with or pass this vehicle. Do not make eye contact with the poodle. Do not do a little friendly tap on your horn after the eighty seven millionth mile at wounded turtle speed. Do not try to intimidate the passive aggressive elderly woman driver by glaring at her in her rearview mirror to show her you've finally snapped and now you mean business so she better say goodbye to her kneecaps.
IF YOU SEE THIS VEHICLE, IMMEDIATELY PULL OVER TO THE SIDE OF THE ROAD, CALL 911 AND WAIT FOR A MARTINI.
Yours In Utter Torment,
The Unlikely Tailgater