Bumper Sticker = Odd

I saw a bumper sticker today on the back of a rust-red-brownish VERY rectangular Chevy Cavalier sedan that practically sideswiped me and Cooper as we waited patiently on the corner that said:

HOW'S MY DRIVING?
CALL 1-800-EATSHIT

I almost didn't catch the entire bumper sticker because I was distracted by two things as this car careened by us, almost cutting Cooper's legs off at the ankles:

1. The man driving the car had the most severe side part comb over I have ever seen so when he drove by I thought "is there a ferret on that person's head?"
2. There was a collection of yellowish old Esquire magazines in the back seat that were stacked so high I wondered how this person managed to back out of whatever god forsaken hell hole they lived in.

If it weren't for these two distractions, you best believe this little lady woulda been on the horn right quick to 1-800-EATSHIT giving old Comb Over Cavvy a piece 'o her mind.

So then that happened,
Lieutenant Splenda