I have been wondering how to get my husband to sob more in public like that cuddly loose nut John Boehner. I've tried jumping out of the closet in the middle of the night screaming at the top of my lungs that chips and salsa no longer exist. I've tried forcing him to go to Bed, Bath and Beyond with me---EVERY DAY FOR NINE DAYS STRAIGHT. I've tried tacking his eyes open and forcing him to watch twelve dozen consecutive episodes of Dr. Phil. I've tried talking non-stop for ninety seven hours straight about which kind of moisturizer I think is the best and does not sting when I layer it over my anti-oxidant base layer. I've given him pop quiz after pop quiz about the various nuances between US Weekly, TMZ and People. I've demanded that he watch The View each and every morning with a full PowerPoint presentation following and I've insisted that he wear peach more but nothing has made him the fragile mush ball that is John Boehner. My question to you is, do you think I should bring in the big guns and drag him along on my next pilgrimage to The Container Store or do you think that he just is not as sappy, maladjusted and unhinged as John Boohoo Boehner?
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