This morning I had the misfortune of seeing a LIFESTYLE EXPERT spout various platitudes about sponges and blouses and gift buying and belts and bangs on the Today Show and I couldn't help but notice that she was wearing a dress that one might describe as:
THE COLOR AND PATTERN THAT REPRESENTS ALL THAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD
HIDEOUS MULTIPLIED BY INFINITY
And I thought she should keep her trap shut when it comes to anything expert.
So you need to keep an eye out for this bag of hot air and her expert suggestions because if she is such an expert and she can swoop into your relatively peaceful and innocent existence and tell you what you need to change to be happier and better then why in the name of all that is holy is she wearing something that resembles the holocaust as a frock?
Keep your eyes down and run fast,
First in Command, Phony Patrol