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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Tuesday Expert Advice

Dear Cupcake,

I have an etiquette question.

The other day I was walking my dog at the park and we were ambushed by what appeared to be a very high society couple. One was a woman who seemed to believe she was playing the Joan Collins role in Dynasty and the other was her Borzoi dog who had a gigantic sea creature body, a small deformed pea head and buggy Marty Feldman eyes. Seeing this pair, my dog understandably became riled and lunged innocently at the hairy squid Borzoi.

Come to find out, there is apparently NO LUNGING OR GETTING RILED in Dynasty-Borzoi-Joan-Collins-Land. We know this because Joan Collins told us with her disapproving expression. We also received some unsolicited high society advise regarding training for dogs frightened by sea creatures masquerading as Borzois.

Now, I've been thinking of ways in which I might have responded to this How To React To Disturbing Looking Borzois advice and the only one that seems like it might have been effective goes something like "Wait, I have a question---shut the hell up." Do you think that would work as a proper response?
---Perplexed and Sweaty Palmed in Chatsworth

Dear Sweaty,
No.
Good luck,
Cupcake

2 comments:

TWISTED SUSAN said...

'Whatever' without eye contact is incredibly insulting and appropriate for all sorts of applications.

Cupcake Murphy said...

If I see Joan Collins and The Borzoi again I put your sage advice in action. Hopefully they'll be able to hear me over the Borzoi's creepy panting.