Recently, I was feverishly looking online for a dining room table for our new residence, kind of like how Tony Robbins looks for stadiums to hold his seminars---this is how determined and pumped up I was. I Want a New! Table To Go With Our New! Place In Our New! Neighborhood---this was the fantastic fuel LURCHING my engine forward and making me all happy inside. And as I scrolled and clicked and drooled and became more aware of how awful my posture is at the computer I realized: Our new table will be ROUND and this ROUND table will be a celebration of the fact that we no longer live on an alley and this ROUND FREEDOM FROM ALLEY CELEBRATION TABLE was for sale at Anthropologie and we must purchase it even if it means we will be homeless in our retirement.
What a very glorious and ingenious and life-affirming plan I have manifested. I must share this plan with Mister Cupcake immediately, I thought.
But Mister Cupcake was not on board with the FREEDOM ROUND TABLE plan at all. Not only was Mister Cupcake unimpressed with the gorgeous word work on the base of the table, Mister Cupcake seemed to be psychotically focused on only the COST of the ALLEY BE GONE FREEDOM TABLE and then proclaimed the following:
"People buying tables at Anthropologie is not us."
Which brings me to my point and my conclusion:
MISTER CUPCAKE NEEDS TO RE-EXAMINE THE KIND OF PEOPLE WE ARE AND THEN HE NEEDS TO ATTEND A WORKSHOP ON GRAMMAR AT THE LEARNING ANNEX
Yours In Tragic Regret,
Sebastian Hollingsworth III, the Intricately Carved Round Pedestal Table