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Monday, October 19, 2009

Monday Judgements and Warnings

If I had to choose one celebrity that appears to be THE MOST unlike me in every way imaginable I think that celebrity would be Matthew McConaughey.

I'm not talking about the obvious differences like gender and the fact that he takes long jogs with his dog OFF leash---those are pretty obvious and clear. I'm talking about overall beingness.

Like, I would never in a million years---even if you gave me a hundred dollar gift certificate to Trader Joe's---get really high and run around my house in the nude playing the bongos. It would just NEVER occur to me to do this.

And I would never go barefoot as much as Matthew or sustain that slurry-Hey Sexy Lady-speech thing he does that telegraphs---CONSTANTLY NUDE AND CONFIDENT EVEN WHEN I'M NOT PLAYING BONGOS, HIGH.

Also, I'm not sure Matthew can read although I am an avid reader. I saw him on Larry King the other night with Sanjay Gupta and I am certain that Matthew got confused when Larry and Sanjay used big words like "suspenders" or "okay" and when this happened Matthew switched the subject real fast to his clothing line jk livin(difference #45 I'd never have a clothing line but just say I was forced to I would not use ALL lower case letters for the brand name) and then he recommended to Larry that he improve his posture by dancing around the house nude, playing bongos, really high.

Don't hate me because I'm hateful,
Bert the Resentful Salmon


The Zadge said...

You kill me!

linlah said...

You know your rational fear of Hasselhoff that's me and McConaughey