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Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday Judgements and Warnings

Just so you know, the following may occur if you take the latest whatchamathingy pill that is supposed to make you feel better than crapped out shitness. I think it's called Sanscrapilex:

1. Your head may rotate 360 degrees when you use the words "casserole", "no" or "low-foam latte"
2. You might have severe bloating, nausea and vertigo that last well into next Spring
3. Thoughts of suicide, homicide, patricide, mothicide, Victoria Beckhamicide could persist for days on end with no let up
4. In the morning, it is possible that your knees won't work
5. When stopped at any traffic signal there is a remote chance that your butt will pop off and you'll be unable to ask anyone for help because you might lose the ability to speak periodically
6. Maybe you'll be filled with self-loathing so severe that you will attempt to run yourself over with your own car
7. You might experience occasional spontaneous exploding acne
8. When you see the colors taupe, yellow or burnt sienna, it is kind of likely that your abdomen will burst
9. Every so often a colony of bees will build a hive in your nose
10.Your dexterity will be for the most part similar to a paralyzed goldfish

Other than that, you're gonna feel GREAT.

Dr. G. Biloba


linlah said...

If you already have Victoria Beckhamicide will the pill cure that or compound it?

Cupcake Murphy said...

Nothing cures that. Ironically, she won't allow it.