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Monday, September 14, 2009

Monday Judgements and Warnings

If you're trying to avoid sugar you need to follow this fool proof plan. It is a very difficult plan that requires so much wherewithal even the Von Trapp family said it was fucking impossible. Regardless, here are the steps you need to follow if you want to wrangle your sugar tooth to the ground once and for all:

Step Number One:
Wake up in the morning, EVERY MORNING and say to yourself TODAY I AM NOT GOING TO EAT SUGARY SWEETS AS I AM WONT TO DO.

Step Number Two:
Go to work and have your yummy Lemon Luna Bar for breakfast being mindful of the proverb in the bible about eating little meals every 4 seconds or so.

Step Number Three:
Have a healthy lunch and return to your office feeling sated yet slightly mournful until one of your co-workers appears in your doorway like a vision asking you if you would prefer cherry pie or lemon meringue pie should he run across the street to Marie Callender's.

Step Number Four:
Yell "I'D HAVE LEMON MERINGUE IF YOU GOT PIE!" at the top of your lungs and toss a couple dollar bills toward the Magical Errand Pie Person.

Step Number Five:
Run to make yourself a cup of Earl Grey to accompany your pie and Start over with Step Number One tomorrow morning.

Professor Ponch


Leah Rubin said...

My personal failing: chocolate cake. No willpower if there is chocolate cake within the sound of my voice... I'm helpless.

Cupcake Murphy said...

There should be a bumper sticker = Willpower Is An Illusion

linlah said...

So I take it you're not a fan of Cookie Monster?