Cooper Being Pamela Anderson on Baywatch

Although beach season has ended, this dedicated lifeguard still has tasks to tend to and lives to save.

"The other day I used my enormous bouncing mammaries to break up a small riot that broke out in front of the Ugly BeachTowel Boutique" he says with great pride.

Then he buries his snout in the sand in an attempt to root out a month old piece of hot dog that a toddler must have dropped.