I'm serious this time. As Marjoe is my witness, I vow to be, do, change, stop, cease, start, overhaul, think, marinate, embroider, stop lying about the following in 2010:
1. When I recklessly cut someone off in traffic while I'm talking to my sister on my cell phone about Tiger Woods and the driver I cut off gets all furious at me because I almost caused a five car collision and I CANNOT BELIEVE how tense that driver is and then four blocks later some ASSHOLE swerves in front of me so I almost rear end them and I'm sure I see them TEXTING and think Where Is a SWAT Team Member When You Need One?and I do a Joe Pesci death sneer to that careless driver with the hope that they spontaneously combust because of their selfish STUPIDNESS---It is this hypocritical vortex I hope to put an end to in 2010
2. More Cauliflower, less Chunky Monkey
3. Forget about trying to figure out Alec Baldwin's hair
4. Accept that I do not look good in hats
5. Say I AM SPARTACUS more
Yours in overflowing hope for nicey nice,
Gerard from the Graveyard Shift
3 comments:
nice blog, sister,
Boy, you belong on dr. Freud's couch ;)
Marjoe. I'm bent over slapping my knee.
I know. Marjoe. There's something about referencing Marjoe.
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